So today dropped down to about a 2 on the scale. Just kind of a crappy day. I can't help feeling like I am being rushed through things because of someone else's bad scheduling. It's not Zack's fault, goodness knows he is busting his (nice) ass to get the work done in the time they have allotted him. I just feel like I have been put on the back burner to the dancers, and that yes, they are also working their butts off, it is the singers who really have to carry the shows.
I really hate bitching. I am just very tired and stressed and overwhelmed and to be honest, scared out of my wits that maybe I can't do this. Am I too old for this? I certainly feel like it sometimes. My mind fills up so quickly, and it becomes more and more difficult to retain the information from the day before because we only get the chance to run it maybe twice before we move onto something else. I write everything down, but to actually get it in my body is another story. Nightmares. I am anxious to get on the ship, settle in to my room and get to work.
I have a November 1st deadline for the next draft of my play, and thankfully, it will get done by then.
I am very excited about Paul, Peggy, and Mom and Dad coming into town. But I am terrified about the presentation on Monday. We still don't know what we are doing for it, and we still have an entire show to learn. I still have not had any contact with the musical director, and I should be getting paid way more than I am. I mean, think about it. I am doing the work of the music director myself, in teaching myself the music. The shows are designed for four singers, and we are doing them with two. That's twice the material. Is it worth going to Australia for? Unfortunately, yes. Fortunately, yes. I am so screwed up.
Happy place... go to my happy place.
There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.
Such a lucky stiff you be; surrounded by dancers, nice asses, the prospect of seeing Australia, of meeting so many down under hotties; and traveling halfway round the planet as a troupe in the finest traditions of the theater, you should thank your stars. Go and see more of the world.
ReplyDeleteMy diagnosis is that your mind is filled with so many in vain attempts at predicting which is the best step to take, what the future will bring, there's simply not enough room for the shows. So empty your mind, see all these things as balloons, visualize the big unanswered questions, even the ones you have trouble asking, and let them float away into the clouds. Just let them go. Let them disappear.
Bon Voyage, my love.
-ms